march.

I’ve remained pretty quiet on the topic of the Women’s March lately. Not because I don’t have a firm belief or stance on the matter (if we are friends, you know where I stand). I’ve been pretty quiet because I couldn’t find the right words to explain how I feel, why I think this is incredibly important, and why I can’t just “move on, get over it, suck it up and deal with it”.

This weekend, I coached two of my male teammates in a USA Weightlifting competition. I am a certified USA Weightlifting coach, I train a group of weightlifters, I researched and prepared for this competition; I know what I’m doing.

Yet, as I sat back in the warm up area, the only female among all the male weightlifters and coaches, I felt so out of place. I had two separate individuals ask me which of my two teammates was my husband–because why would a male weightlifter have a female coach? It made me uncomfortable, but I truly don’t believe either individual meant any harm when they made their assumptions. I do believe that they made these assumptions because this is a typical response to seeing a woman outside of the ‘status quo’.

The experience I had this weekend is such a minuscule comparison to the things other women have to deal with on a daily basis. Now, we HAVE grown a lot. Women ARE becoming more independent, more self-sufficient, and overall, are becoming a much stronger group of people than they ever have been in the past.

But how did we get here? Because so many women before us stood up. They marched. They fought so hard for the rights that we have. Why should we stop now? Why should I “get over” my current president’s remarks regarding sexual assault? Why should I “deal with” the fact that our sitting president believes breastfeeding is disgusting?

I’m aware that he’s the President of the United States of America. I am aware that this is an office he will hold for four years. I am also aware that he does not value all women. He has made it incredibly clear, and I do not believe that I, nor any woman, should have to “suck it up” and sit down.

We all have our own opinions. Many women shared their opinions when they voted for Donald Trump in November. Many women, around the world, chose to express their opinions on Saturday by gathering together to spread the message that we deserve to be heard–we deserve to be respected.

I’ve heard so many people say, “Why are these women so pissed off? They have so many rights women in third world countries would kill for.” You’re right. But that doesn’t mean we should settle for less than we deserve.
I can’t tell you what to think. I can’t tell you how to react. But, because I keep seeing people ask for an explanation as to why this march occurred, I can tell you why I feel that it is incredibly important–so I did.

“There is no force equal to a woman determined to rise.” -W.E.B. Du Bois

a brand new path.

Over the course of the past few months, I’ve had a few people tell me that I’ve helped inspire them along their journeys–weightlifting, nutrition, life in general etc.

I never set out on my own personal journey with the intention of inspiring others to do the same, but I am grateful that I can provide even a shred of support or encouragement to anyone who may want or need it.

With that being said, I’m embarking on a new journey this year. 2017 is the first year I don’t have a New Year’s resolution with something along the lines of “lose some extra pounds I’m carrying around”. As a matter of fact, it’s completely the opposite.

I lost over 20 pounds in 2016, my body fat percentage got pretty low, and I felt pretty good. I developed a much better relationship with food and how it’s used to fuel my body. My training felt great, I felt like I looked the best I ever had, and I was overall quite happy.

I got so caught up in my training, nutrition planning, and life in general, that I didn’t realize the toll some of these changes had taken on my body. My endocrine and hormone systems were screwy, I didn’t feel super in tune with myself, and kind of feel like I wasn’t in “control” of my own body. So, after some chatting with Eric, and some of my closest friends, I decided I needed to reevaluate what my next path would be.

All of this resulted in my decision to try and gain some weight back. Now, before you roll your eyes and sigh and think to yourself…’really? You’re going to make an effort to gain weight? That’s one of the easiest things a person can do!’…understand that it’s not exactly that “cut and dry”. Without going into detail, it won’t involve long nights of stuffing my face with lots of cupcakes and tortilla chips (though there is always a place in my meal plan for everything 😜).

Now, why am I telling this information to the world? Because I recently saw this photo on Facebook and it brought back a lot of vivid memories. And I’m sure I’m not the only one who is, or has, experienced these feelings.

Left:October 2008                                 Right: December 2016

These photos are 8 years apart. It doesn’t happen overnight, and there were lots of detours along the way. I worked hard to figure out what my body needed so I could be as healthy as possible, while still enjoying my life. In my mind, no matter how much weight I lose or what size of clothing I wear, I will always look like the girl on the left. When you look at that reflection in the mirror for 26 years, it doesn’t just erase itself within a few months. The thing is, I wasn’t super unhappy with myself or how I looked. I knew I wasn’t as healthy as a could be, but I’ve always been pretty darn happy with myself as a human being. But I never, ever, imagined I’d find myself trying to actually gain weight. On purpose.

Regardless, it’s a very difficult concept to wrap my mind around. Luckily for me, I’ve never really been a “scale watcher”, unless I was cutting for my meets, so I don’t really care about the number on a scale. I have a very firm understanding of nutrition and the effect of different foods on my body, but it’s still very hard for me to stop myself from having irrational thoughts about gaining weight.

So, I put it out there on this platform. That’s why I started this blog, to help my incredibly introverted self share things I know are important, but I can’t bring myself to talk about to just anyone. I know I’m not the only one who has experienced this, and I’ve found a lot of inspiration and encouragement by reading and listening to others’ stories.

In the end, I’m the only one who knows what’s best for me. I’m the only one who knows how I feel physically, mentally, and emotionally. So, here’s to embarking on a journey I’ve never taken before to see if it’ll help me feel more like myself. Time to eat all the food and make all the gains!