Back in January, I wrote about my fitness and nutrition journey. I wrote about how I really needed to take a step back and focus on my wellbeing, my health, and especially on myself as a whole. It’s been about 5 months since I wrote about that, so I figured it was time for an update.
Let me start by saying that gaining weight on purpose is not necessarily super “fun”. As ridiculous as that may sound, it’s a complete mind game that can really mess with you—even when you know it’s exactly what you need to do. My body fat was way too low, I wasn’t performing well in the gym, and—most concerning/most importantly—my health wasn’t the best. Even though it all made sense from a logical standpoint, it was still incredibly difficult to wrap my head around.
I won’t go into a ton of detail about my specific nutrition and eating habits because I bought and followed RP Strength’s Massing Templates and they did all the hard/macronutrient work for me. What I will discuss a little bit is how I had to change—physically and mentally—in order to really see progress.
Left: March 2016 (145 lbs) Right: June 2017 (145 lbs)
Left: March 2016 Middle: November 2016 Right: June 2017
Top photo: I weigh the same in both of these pictures. Long story short, don’t live and die by the scale.
Bottom photo: Okay…in the picture on the far left, taken in March of 2016, I was about 150ish pounds. I lifted weights, ate okay—more eating out than actually cooking, and was in a pretty good place mentally. In the middle picture, taken in November of 2016, I was 134 pounds, which was at or around my lowest weight. Oh look, abs. Neat—media’s version of “in shape”. What you don’t see is that my gym performance was suffering, I was following a very strict nutrition plan, and my hormonal and endocrine systems were screaming at me. However, I was still pretty happy most of the time and wasn’t ever feeling like I wasn’t ‘okay’. Now, the picture on the right was taken last week. I currently weigh 145ish–some days more, some days less…I don’t weigh myself daily so I don’t know…but that’s about where I hover. Screw the scale. Screw the media’s version of what’s “fit”. And screw anyone who tells you what you should and shouldn’t look like in order to conform to some unattainable version of “healthy”.
Last week, I wrote about letting go of what you think people want you to be and embracing who you truly are. This was something I struggled with throughout this whole process, and I think it’s something we all struggle with from time to time. The media paints a pretty clear picture of what it means to be “fit” and “in shape”. However, just as we all know, that’s not real life. Take it from me when I say that I couldn’t live my life—at least very happily or healthily—at 14% body fat.
I don’t know what my body fat percentage is now. I don’t really care at all. What I do know is that it’s at least a few percentage points higher than it was in January. Do some days still suck? Of course. Do all of my clothes fit? Some do, some don’t (big ridiculous gains in my legs and booty). Do I miss having the media’s version of a “fit person’s” body? Ehhhh kind of. I mean, I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was fun for a little while. But what I don’t miss is everything that came with it. My body wasn’t meant to sit at 14% body fat and a set of six pack abs. Who cares? I sure don’t anymore.
What I did gain over the past five months was pretty life changing. I gained weight, but along with that, I gained so much more. I’m finally hitting new numbers in the gym—and I’m consistently hitting my lifts at high percentages. My health is on the mend and my body is thanking me for finally listening to what it had been telling me for months. But, above all, I’m just happier. My husband provides me with incredible support and I am surrounded by some of the best human beings on this planet, who love me for being me, and who always encourage me to better myself—and who are always down for a milkshake ;-).
Opening up and talking about these things is super difficult for me. I’m incredibly introverted and prefer to keep these things to myself. However, after I shared my story in January, and had multiple people reach out to me, I learned I wasn’t alone. I know there are more people who are in the position I was in, and if my story can provide the motivation or encouragement to even just one person who needs it, then there’s no question in my mind that it’s all worth it.
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